Rabbi Ashira's Reflections
January 2025
Dear Chevre,
Endings often are difficult.
At every rock concert I’ve attended, the supposedly final song is immediately followed by demands of an encore. The encore has become a standard expectation at many shows. My husband even tries to anticipate which songs a band will save for the encore. The crowd cries out for the encore because we have loved the music and the experience so much that we do not want it to end.
Similarly, when my children were younger, they often would cry at the end of their birthday parties or right after their friends had left. They loved playing with their friends so much that they hated when the fun had to end.
Graduations, designed to celebrate academic accomplishments with joy, contain their own hint of sadness. As much as graduating students may be excited about their futures, they often do not feel ready to leave behind the comfortable familiarity of school. And certainly the parents and instructors in their lives don’t want to say goodbye to that chapter even though they know that the future is full of potential.
We can see echoes of the universal difficulty of embracing endings within the Jewish tradition, as well. The Hebrew language does not have a word for “goodbye.” The word “shalom,” used both in greeting and departing, means “peace.” A common Hebrew word for departure is “l’hitra’ot,” meaning “to see you again,” or more colloquially, “see you later!” Neither of these words suggest a finality to the goodbye. Instead, the “Jewish goodbye” has become famous (or infamous!) for its lack of ending and the implied promise of seeing one another again.
Endings may be difficult, but they also are inevitable.
Jewish tradition offers at least one practice for easing the difficulty of inevitable endings and goodbyes, that of “l’vaya,” “accompanying.” The rabbis of the Talmud taught that not accompanying guests or not allowing oneself to be accompanied when leaving is equivalent to spilling blood. When our sages wrote about accompanying guests, they were responding to the possible physical dangers of journeying alone. They even offered suggested distances for accompanying people based on relationships and stature. For example, they taught that teachers accompany students until the outskirts of the city whereas there is no measure for the distance students accompany their teachers.
Although the rabbis of the Talmud were considering the physical risks of traveling alone, the practice of accompaniment evolved in Jewish law beyond these dangers. With their teachings, our sages acknowledged the difficulty of leaving and gave us the tool of accompaniment to ease the eventual separation. Centuries after the Talmud’s words were written, Maimonides included accompanying guests in a list of deeds of kindness which have no limit. This same list also includes visiting the ill, comforting mourners, and burying the dead. These acts of kindness do more than protect a person’s body. They offer emotional and spiritual support when people feel uncertain and vulnerable.
In 2025, Temple Emanu-El will end a chapter of the community’s life and prepare to enter a new one. The congregation’s path forward remains somewhat unclear, even as some plans are moving forward. Over the past several months, many people have shared their feelings of sadness and anxiety about the congregation’s current state and its future. And I also have witnessed how much comfort and even joy people feel when they choose to come to the temple. On the last Sunday of 2024, I was truly delighted to see so many people attend the lighting of Salk Memorial Chanukkiyah. Through song, prayer, and conversation, we accompanied one another and felt ourselves to be accompanied.
Endings are indeed inevitable and often difficult, and choosing to accompany one another through them infuses them with the holiness of connection.
I invite you to embrace and engage in the sacred act of accompanying each other at temple this month and throughout this new secular year.
- When our religious school resumes on Sunday January 5 at 9:30 am, I invite all of our religious school parents and caregivers to join me for coffee, tea, some light snacks, and good conversation.
- Soup Shabbat returns on Friday January 10 at 6:30 pm. We will welcome Shabbat with blessings then spend the evening catching up and schmoozing. The temple will provide soup and challah; you are welcome to bring a dairy or vegetarian dish to share or simply come for the soup.
- On Sunday January 12 at 9:30 am, the religious school will be hosting Grandparent and Grandfriend Day to offer our students and their families the opportunity to connect across generations.
- On Friday January 17 at 7:00 pm, we will honor the legacy of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with our longstanding tradition of an interfaith service with our friends from Calvary Baptist Church.
- Sunday January 5, 10:00–11:00 am: in person, Starensier Assembly
- Tuesday January 7, 7:00–8:00 pm: Zoom
- Thursday February 6, 7:00–8:00 pm: Zoom
These sessions are also an excellent opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings about the experience and to find support from the community.
As we enter 2025, may we be blessed with many opportunities to celebrate and delight in one another’s presence – even while we recognize the difficulty of saying goodbye. And may our practice of accompanying bring us some ease through the transitions and endings so that we may look to new beginnings with open and whole hearts.
Bivracha, With blessings,
Rabbi Ashira