Cantor Vera's Corner
Cantor Vera's Message
July 2021
Shalom, friends!
This month of July begins in the warmth of Tammuz. As we enjoy the pleasures of talking with one another again in person, and with both the environmental and emotional heat of summer in full swing, I’m also thinking about the tension present in Jewish life between speech and silence. There are some times, and some topics, where we ask ourselves what we can possibly say that will help—or whether to say anything at all. Talking with someone who’s lost someone they love; sharing bad news, or information that could hurt; and particularly in this past month, discussing the painful conflict between the Israeli government and Hamas that has wreaked such violent damage on Israelis and Palestinians. (The internet, of course, has vastly increased frequency and broadcast range for all kinds of speech.) There’s speech that’s hard but necessary. And sometimes there’s speech that’s better left unsaid.
The month of July is a very appropriate month to consider these issues. The Talmud claims that the second Beit HaMikdash, Holy Temple, was destroyed for the sin of sinat chinam, baseless hatred, hatred that’s not based on a sin someone has committed. Sinat chinam includes lashon hara and r’chilut. Rabbi Chaviv Danesh discusses these two categories of speech in his study in “Harmony of a Nation—Overcoming Baseless Hatred”:
Lashon hara is speaking (or writing or any other way of conveying) or hearing (or reading or any other way of being conveyed to) a negative report about someone. Similarly, any report that can cause harm or loss to someone else is also forbidden under the transgression of relating lashon hara. … Rechilut is the act of speaking or hearing any kind of speech that will cause one to dislike someone else. … Both lashon hara and rechilut are prohibited even if what is being said is true, and even if one did not have intention to harm. (Emphasis added.)
The medieval rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (Rambam) outlines five categories of speech in a commentary on Pirkei Avot 1:17, Rabbi Shim’on ben Gamliel’s praise of silence over speech, which I read in June as part of the Great Jewish Books Seminar for clergy and educators, run by the Yiddish Book Center. The Rambam says that “speech is divided into five parts according to the Torah’s obligation: 1) We are commanded about it; 2) We are warned against it; 3) The disgusting; 4) The beloved; 5) The permissible.” In secular language, I’d give those categories as follows: there’s speech that has a positive impact, including ritual speech and appreciative speech, which is commanded or encouraged; there’s speech that has a negative impact, which is forbidden or discouraged; and there’s speech that’s impact-neutral. The Rambam emphasizes that we are only impact-neutral when we’re sharing things about ourselves: our own personal business, bodies, beliefs, and experiences. When we share, comment on, or even influence other people’s lives and actions, we have to pay more attention to what we say and consider our effect even more than our intent.
The Rambam encourages us to think about the impact our speech may have on another person’s emotions, dignity, and sense of self. He reinforces our Jewish traditional tendencies toward a cautious, conservative approach to speech. Silence is not a hallmark of Jewish tradition. We do our best to assess impact. We also want to keep communicating and to be able to talk in the difficult moments.
If we step back too far from speech with each other, we lose out on learning from our own mistakes and others’ responses and challenges to our thoughts and words. We also might fail to share important information that may relate to others’ safety. (Especially when we consider situations of abuse within institutions.) And we limit our ability to connect to other people and develop our relationships.
In the Rambam’s discussion of the last category, permissible speech, he goes off on what seems like a tangent, railing against rabbis who refused to listen to beautiful content in Arabic songs but would happily hear forbidden or disgusting content in Hebrew. He says: Concentrate on the content of the speech, not the language. To me, this is an invitation both to openness and to not let unfamiliar language bar you from hearing inspiring ideas—and one last reminder that wording, in any language, can obscure content.
As Jews, we’re asked to expend a lot of energy in planning and delivering our words, and listening deeply to the words of others. It’s worth assessing our speech for any harm we can forestall, before we let it out. We do our very best to not speak r’chilut and lashon hara, to harm anyone else through what we say. And we do our very best to speak up with words of appreciation, comfort, necessary information, and truly constructive criticism, using “I” statements as much as possible. Each one of us is worth both restraint and reaching out.
L’shalom,
Cantor Vera
This month of July begins in the warmth of Tammuz. As we enjoy the pleasures of talking with one another again in person, and with both the environmental and emotional heat of summer in full swing, I’m also thinking about the tension present in Jewish life between speech and silence. There are some times, and some topics, where we ask ourselves what we can possibly say that will help—or whether to say anything at all. Talking with someone who’s lost someone they love; sharing bad news, or information that could hurt; and particularly in this past month, discussing the painful conflict between the Israeli government and Hamas that has wreaked such violent damage on Israelis and Palestinians. (The internet, of course, has vastly increased frequency and broadcast range for all kinds of speech.) There’s speech that’s hard but necessary. And sometimes there’s speech that’s better left unsaid.
The month of July is a very appropriate month to consider these issues. The Talmud claims that the second Beit HaMikdash, Holy Temple, was destroyed for the sin of sinat chinam, baseless hatred, hatred that’s not based on a sin someone has committed. Sinat chinam includes lashon hara and r’chilut. Rabbi Chaviv Danesh discusses these two categories of speech in his study in “Harmony of a Nation—Overcoming Baseless Hatred”:
Lashon hara is speaking (or writing or any other way of conveying) or hearing (or reading or any other way of being conveyed to) a negative report about someone. Similarly, any report that can cause harm or loss to someone else is also forbidden under the transgression of relating lashon hara. … Rechilut is the act of speaking or hearing any kind of speech that will cause one to dislike someone else. … Both lashon hara and rechilut are prohibited even if what is being said is true, and even if one did not have intention to harm. (Emphasis added.)
The medieval rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (Rambam) outlines five categories of speech in a commentary on Pirkei Avot 1:17, Rabbi Shim’on ben Gamliel’s praise of silence over speech, which I read in June as part of the Great Jewish Books Seminar for clergy and educators, run by the Yiddish Book Center. The Rambam says that “speech is divided into five parts according to the Torah’s obligation: 1) We are commanded about it; 2) We are warned against it; 3) The disgusting; 4) The beloved; 5) The permissible.” In secular language, I’d give those categories as follows: there’s speech that has a positive impact, including ritual speech and appreciative speech, which is commanded or encouraged; there’s speech that has a negative impact, which is forbidden or discouraged; and there’s speech that’s impact-neutral. The Rambam emphasizes that we are only impact-neutral when we’re sharing things about ourselves: our own personal business, bodies, beliefs, and experiences. When we share, comment on, or even influence other people’s lives and actions, we have to pay more attention to what we say and consider our effect even more than our intent.
The Rambam encourages us to think about the impact our speech may have on another person’s emotions, dignity, and sense of self. He reinforces our Jewish traditional tendencies toward a cautious, conservative approach to speech. Silence is not a hallmark of Jewish tradition. We do our best to assess impact. We also want to keep communicating and to be able to talk in the difficult moments.
If we step back too far from speech with each other, we lose out on learning from our own mistakes and others’ responses and challenges to our thoughts and words. We also might fail to share important information that may relate to others’ safety. (Especially when we consider situations of abuse within institutions.) And we limit our ability to connect to other people and develop our relationships.
In the Rambam’s discussion of the last category, permissible speech, he goes off on what seems like a tangent, railing against rabbis who refused to listen to beautiful content in Arabic songs but would happily hear forbidden or disgusting content in Hebrew. He says: Concentrate on the content of the speech, not the language. To me, this is an invitation both to openness and to not let unfamiliar language bar you from hearing inspiring ideas—and one last reminder that wording, in any language, can obscure content.
As Jews, we’re asked to expend a lot of energy in planning and delivering our words, and listening deeply to the words of others. It’s worth assessing our speech for any harm we can forestall, before we let it out. We do our very best to not speak r’chilut and lashon hara, to harm anyone else through what we say. And we do our very best to speak up with words of appreciation, comfort, necessary information, and truly constructive criticism, using “I” statements as much as possible. Each one of us is worth both restraint and reaching out.
L’shalom,
Cantor Vera
Cantor Vera's Video Teachings
Cantor Vera's Writings
D'var for Pesach 5780/2020 (video)
"Practicing Failure, Cultivating Resilience," d'var for Yom Kippur 5780/2019
D'var for Kol Nidrei 5780/2019
"Israeli and American Jewish Identity," d'var for 1st Day of Rosh Hashanah 5780/2019
"The Geir Without and Within," d'var for 1st Day of Rosh Hashanah 5779/2018
"Ki Hinei Kachomeir: Desiring our Yeitzer," for Kol Nidrei 5779/2018
Cantor Vera's Report on Trip to San Diego and Tijuana with T'ruah in July 2018
"Practicing Failure, Cultivating Resilience," d'var for Yom Kippur 5780/2019
D'var for Kol Nidrei 5780/2019
"Israeli and American Jewish Identity," d'var for 1st Day of Rosh Hashanah 5780/2019
"The Geir Without and Within," d'var for 1st Day of Rosh Hashanah 5779/2018
"Ki Hinei Kachomeir: Desiring our Yeitzer," for Kol Nidrei 5779/2018
Cantor Vera's Report on Trip to San Diego and Tijuana with T'ruah in July 2018